Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
