mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
