So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
