Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
