is your mom at the bar?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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