You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
