K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
