She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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