i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
