So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I believe in your delicious
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
