brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
