I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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