there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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