I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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