This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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