It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize