just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
