hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
