You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
