I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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