Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
cat food counts as protein by the way
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
