these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
