I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
