Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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