Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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