I think I just saw someone hide a body.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
