Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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