Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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