I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
