So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
