just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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