don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
