Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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