my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
