wakey wakey hands off snakey
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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