my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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