Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
