Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
