I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
