well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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