During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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