I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
how drunk are you?
Several
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
