And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Im part way to drunk.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
