God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Shitshow foam night was such a success
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
