Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
