he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
she looked like the before picture.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Randomize
