just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
