ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize