apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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