Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
