I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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