OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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