We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
