I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
