I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
