what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
