just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I deserve this hangover.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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