but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
