The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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