i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
