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Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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