another moral hangover. fuck.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
