i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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