East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
