No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
