I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
