i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
