I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
