After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
