I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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