Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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