Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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