and you said cock pushups were impossible
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
