this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
