Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
