Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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