weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
