Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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