Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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