Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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